(Day 13) Your Relentless Control is Stressing You Out {aka. Let Go of Unhealthy Control}

So I was going to do a video, but then decided I needed to reduce the stress in my own life which meant not worrying about getting myself presentable today and staying in my sweats instead while I write. Because it’s been a crazy couple weeks of derailed plans let me tell you.

Honest truth.

Which is why I’m so excited to share today’s tip because it’s exactly what I’m experiencing right now!

Today’s tip might sound similar to what I discussed in yesterday’s post and video about how to overcome the fear of the unknown. And there are definite similarities, yet there is also a distinct difference as well.

There’s fear of the unknown because we know we cannot control of the unknown, only God can, which causes stress to some who have a hard time trusting God to be the better one in control of our future.

But what about things you feel you CAN control but fear you cannot control them?

For example:

  • You are running late to pick up your kids from school, but your gas tank is near empty and you begin to stress wondering if you should stop at the gas station prior and just end up picking them up late (and paying the school an extra fee because of your lateness) or try to make it and hope you don’t break down on the freeway?
  • You decide to skip the last errand because it’s getting too close to your daughters nap which is supposed to be exactly at 1pm. You cannot miss her nap! And you cannot be late for it because it will derail all the other plans you have for that day!
  • You have a deadline looming, but suddenly the whole house gets sick and you are scrambling now to not only keep up but catch up with all things left behind! You wonder how on earth you are going to get everything done!

Now I know what some of you are already thinking… “but Rachel, I CAN control these situations! And I must otherwise it will cause more stress and anxiety in my life if things go wrong and don’t go as planned!”

And there’s the kicker. Planned.

Do you get stressed out when things don’t go according to your OWN plan of control? Do you have unhealthy expectations based on situations that may result to a different outcome than desired? If things don’t go according to plan, does that completely derail your peace tank for the day and make your fists clench tighter as you cling to control with all your might?


Here’s a word of advice: LET IT GO.



So what if you are late picking up your child from school or run out of gas on the freeway. It happens sometimes and it’s not the end of the world. Life will go on. 

So what if your child skips their nap or only has a 30 minute nap instead of the 2 hour one you were hoping for (desperately clinging to). Sure you will have hell on wheels for the rest of the afternoon. But maybe this is just more practice for your prayer you asked to have more patience with your children? (think about it…)

And maybe being sick and having so much on your plate drives you closer to God to rely on Him for strength beyond your own, which is better because you experience a closeness with God beyond what you thought possible.


Sometimes we need a change of perspective. Sometimes we need a reminder of who is ultimately in control (God) regardless of what may happen. And sometimes we need to remember that in any situation we can trust God to give us that immeasurable peace that surpasses all understanding and He will make our detoured paths straight again.

I’m sharing this from personal experience. I used to have a toxic level of unhealthy control and expectations in my life which caused such chronic stress and anxiety it affected my health, my relationships, and even my spiritual relationship with God.

When I let go of my unhealthy expectations for control, God became bigger, nearer, and dearer to me as I began to fully trust in Him for the outcome of every situation. It relaxed my heart and mind to embrace God for who He is instead of spite God for what happened when things didn’t go according as planned. Instead of clenched fists, I have open hands when it comes to setting out my plans for the day, the week, the month, even years and years from now. It’s an amazing journey with God when I let go of my desire to control my life the way I thought it ought to go and instead let God show me the loving path and plan He had for me.

I still take action for things and still plan for things and still seek to do things according to what I believe is healthy and good. I’m still making goals and lists of things to do for my life. Yet if a wretch gets thrown in my plans, instead of striving for control and stressing out about it, I ask God what it is that He is trying to tell me or help me learn from the detour.


God does not throw wrenches in our lives to harm us, He allows wrenches in our lives to refine us.


He is stripping your impurities when things don’t go your way. Your job is to give yourself an honest heart check and discover what God is asking you to learn from it.

Perhaps for today, it is the clear point that His control is for your good, not your harm. He loves you and wants what’s best for you, but sometimes what is best isn’t always what you had planned.

And here are two more truths to hold onto when you have a hard time letting go:

“In his hand is the life of every living thing and the breath of all mankind.” (Job 12:10)

“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” (Proverbs 16:9)

{Missed a post? Click here and scroll down to see the current line up for this series: Overcoming Anxiety!}


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